I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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