i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
