i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
