I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
