yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
