I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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