trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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