he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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