Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
