one two three fourrrrnication!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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