i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
