How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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