it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
