Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
