exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Boobs are out for the taking
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
