Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
