GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
