At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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