he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
