did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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