Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
