Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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