so explain again why im purple
no
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
