I wish my penis had an off switch
Jerry, you need to find god
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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