im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
