Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
