oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
