we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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