I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
