My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
