I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
