i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
