Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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