the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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