My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
