I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
