apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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