From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
