I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
