I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
do herpes really smell.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
