I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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