So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
