Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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