and you said cock pushups were impossible
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
