the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
