i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
