Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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