It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
