He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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