It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
