Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
