If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
