do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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