He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
