There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
