He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
