Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
