you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
